Connecting with Secular Friends Through the Blessed Mother

I’ve been blessed in my life to have amazing female friends. Bosom buddies, kindred spirits, women who have challenged and supported me over the years. Some I rarely see, others are a consistent presence in my life (even when separated by distance). 

 But, these women are not all like me. In fact, many of them have decidedly different interests and passions than I do. Some have taken different paths in life and some on the surface level wouldn’t seem like candidates for “casual acquaintance let alone “close friend.” 

Despite my faith playing an enormously important role in my own life, some of my friends aren’t religious at all. Some view Catholicism through a different lens than I do and some have no spiritual life to speak of.  Yet, I have these amazing women in my life and I am better off for it. 

 It’s lovely to have people in our lives who share our belief systems. However, it’s not a prerequisite. My secular friends have walked through life with me in joy and suffering and I hope I’ve returned the favor. 

 Particularly in these divisive and polarized times, we should cherish friendships that are strong enough to cross political, social, or even religious barriers. As a society, we are starving for connection. However, so many voices tell us to “stick to our teams” and “pick a side.” I simply reject this destructive concept.

 With all that being said, it’s still nice to have a bridge to connect us to our secular female friends. I see no greater bridge-builder than The Virgin Mary. Queen of the Universe, Mother of the Church, Undoer of Knots. We Catholics know how precious our relationships with Mary are. 

 This past Christmas, a very good friend of mine sent me a copy of, “The Way of the Rose: The Radical Path of the Divine Feminine Hidden in the Rosary by Clark Strand and Perdita Finn. 

Orthodoxy it was not. The authors came to a devotion to The Blessed Mother from a very different spiritual background than most Catholic writers. However, their genuine love for Mary is very real. Their unique connection to her made for an interesting read. 

 But it wasn’t the book itself, that I treasured. It’s the fact that my yoga-practicing, fire walking, very uncatholic friend saw the book and thought of me. Long after I finished reading it, I was struck by what a powerful tool Mary and the rosary are for reaching out to our secular friends. 

 In 4 particular ways, I think The Blessed Mother is uniquely suited to bridge the gap between faithful Catholic and the secular world:

 Mary is Universal

 Much like the Catholic church itself, The Blessed Mother is universal. With Vatican approved apparitions on multiple continents and  “partial apparitions” reported from Rwanda to Japan, Mary is in every corner of our world. And while not every country can claim a Marian Apparition, billions of people from different racial and ethnic backgrounds have a deep personal devotion to Our Lady. 

 Mary Debunks the Myth That the Church is Anti-Woman

 For many secular people, religion becomes a non-starter when viewed through the lens of female oppression. Their reservations may be understandable. But, the truth could not be more radical. The reverence that Catholics have for Mary and the prominence she plays in our faith pushes back on the narrative that Catholicism is inherently anti-woman. She is the Queen of the Universe and Queen of All Saints. When our non-religious friends start to understand this, a whole new dialogue can open up. 

 Mary Understands Suffering

 To be human is to suffer. This is never truer than in motherhood. The little (and sometimes big) aches and pains of pregnancy, the challenges of being a new mom, the heartbreak of watching your children grow up, etc.  all connect us to The Blessed Mother. But, Mary’s suffering is particularly resonant with the millions of women who have suffered miscarriages and loss. Her example of suffering is relatable. 

 Mary is Accessible 

She is, of course, present as a powerful intercessor in our prayer life. But, for those uncomfortable, or unpracticed with conversational prayer, the Hail Mary offers an easy and accessible formula for prayer and reflection. Similarly, the rosary is a deceptively simple tool for our spiritual lives. Wrapped around a rearview mirror or stuffed in the bottom of our purses, it’s there for us when we need it. We may never convince our secular friends to attend mass with us, let alone convert. However, with the simple gift of an old rosary and a prayer card, we can offer them a powerful relationship with Mary.

 In all these ways and so many more, The Blessed Mother is that perfect bridge between us and our secular friends. She is there to help us strengthen connections, build bonds, and love one another. 

“Beloved, let us love one another because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God.”- 1 John 4:7