Advent for the Rest of Us
We’re hurdling towards Thanksgiving and for many Christians and Catholics in particular, Advent looms heavy on the horizon. A liturgical season to save us from the secular and superficial distractions that permeate the weeks before Christmas. We’re meant to partake in prayerful and peaceful preparation for the coming solemnity of Christmas.
Sadly, not so much.
Instead, like all things that stand at the intersection of motherhood and social media (particularly Catholic social media), Advent has turned into an occasion of maximum guilt and an opportunity for the worst sort of mommy virtue signaling.
What is intended as a very personal season of self-preparation, has turned into yet another opportunity to check all the boxes and do all the things to create a picture-perfect liturgical season/holiday.
But, here’s the thing. Most of the traditions, crafts, and expectations surrounding Advent are optional. If they fit easily into your Advent season great. If not, that’s ok too.
I’ve been around Catholic social media long enough to know that the first week of Advent there will be an army of moms posting frantically in Facebook groups and on Twitter about their shameful lack of a Jesse Tree. It’s ok if you don’t have a Jesse Tree. I don’t.
It’s also ok if you opt not to partake in a 4-week soup fast, or abstain from meat the entirety of the liturgical season or give up all screen time. There is no requirement for additional penance or fasting in the western church.
It’s lovely if you’re in a season of life where you choose to treat Advent as a mini Lent. If additional fasting, and almsgiving help you prepare spiritually for Christmas, that is wonderful. But, it isn’t a requirement.
Similarly, if you choose to create a handmade artisanal, organic, chocolate Advent calendar for your family, you sound amazing. Please send one to me. But you are in no way superior to the mom who picks up an advent calendar at the checkout line at Aldi. In fact, we don’t strictly speaking need Advent calendars at all.
There are beautiful traditions available during Advent that can help us orient ourselves towards Christ. There are small, private and meaningful ways to lean into Advent. Most of them won’t be found on Pinterest.
And, if all of the unnecessary crafts and activities we choose to do during Advent weren’t problematic enough, the things we feel obligated NOT to do can be even more dangerous to our spiritual peace.
You’ve likely heard of, or encountered in real life a member of the Advent police. They’ll admonish you for even the faintest whiff of Christmas before December 24th. The no carols, no cookies, no office parties, no decorations crowd is out in force the first few weeks of Advent.
To which I say, “Yes, Karen. I am well aware that Christmas is a whole separate liturgical season.”
In fact, relying on the liturgical calendar to bring order to an otherwise disordered secular passing of time is very important to me. But, I’m no fanatic.
I understand the desire to retreat from the world these days. Times are dark, discourse is toxic, commercialization runs amok. But, for many of us, we can’t fully retreat. We are very much in the world and that means we may “accidentally” hear a few bars of Jingle Bell Rock at the grocery store.
The mama whose kids are performing in the Nutcracker Ballet can’t fully avoid an early descent into Christmas. Neither can the single teacher whose 3rd-grade class will have a “Christmas” party a week before Christmas. Nor can the woman working evenings at Target to help pay for her elderly mother’s medical expenses.
My point is, personal decisions to avoid commercialized Christmas before liturgical Christmas can be beautiful. But, they aren’t mandatory and for many, it is simply impossible to remove one’s self entirely from the outside world.
More than anything, I want the women I know (online and IRL) to celebrate Advent in whatever way brings them maximum peace and minimum stress. That mom with the Jesse tree doing a 40 day fast is awesome. So is the woman who doesn’t put her Christmas tree up until after Midnight Mass on the 24th. But for all the mammas out there figuring this liturgical living thing out as we go, there’s an Advent for the rest of us. It’s whatever quiet, personal practices will help us prepare our hearts for the beauty of Christmas.
