Build a Family Reading Culture Part IV: When it's Just Not Working
This post is Part IV in a series on building a family reading culture. Check out Part I here, Part II here, and Part III here.
I’m closing out the “Build a Family Reading Culture” series here on Wait…Where Was I by attempting to answer some of the, “but, what if..” questions that inevitably come with any attempt to give parenting advice.
And, I get it. No matter how well-intentioned and vanilla the advice may be (eat your veggies), there will always be folks who feel the advice doesn’t’ work for them. It makes sense really, parenting is the most deeply personal thing we do that’s also visible to the public.
I hope the advice I’ve given in this series has been taken in the spirit of “try this, it may work for you.” But, I also know that even parents with full buy into the concept of building a family reading culture will face obstacles.
With that in mind, I want to tackle a few of the most common obstacles I’ve heard as a teacher and from fellow parents who want their children to have a healthy reading life. I’m talking about reluctant readers, reading slumps, busy seasons and what to do when school obligations negatively impact leisure/family reading.
There are, of course, more individualized challenges to children’s reading lives (learning disabilities, language barriers, emotional and behavioral disorders, etc.) I don’t for a second dismiss these challenges. Instead, I’m focusing on four of the most common obstacles/challenges that apply to most parents. It’s a long one, so stick with me:
Reluctant Readers
There’s an old saying attributed in various forms to multiple sources that goes something like this, “There are no people who dislike reading, only people who haven’t found the right book.”
I agree wholeheartedly in sentiment. But, it’s not particularly helpful to a desperate mama, who just wants her 10-year-old to, “read a darn book.” So far, I’ve lucked out and both of my children enjoying reading. But, I’ve sat in enough tearful parent conferences as a teacher to know those reluctant readers are a real source of frustration for parents and teachers alike.
So, what to do with reluctant readers? There are several resources available online to help. In my experience, the best advice is: keep it light and keep it consistent.
Joke books, silly stories, stand-alone graphic novels and “low investment” stories with easily accessible narratives and classic themes are great options for reluctant readers. It may be upsetting for bibliophile parents to have a child turn up there nose at The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe only to love Captain Underpants. But, the quickest way to a reluctant reader’s heart is often through their funny bone.
Of course, the opposite can be true. Sometimes a particularly thoughtful or mature child can be emotionally ready for more complex reading before they are developmentally ready. In this case, the reading reluctance may actually be reading boredom or dissatisfaction with the “babyish” stories that their peers are reading.
Above all, just keep trying. Keep up established read-aloud routines, continue with trips to the library, engage with your reluctant reader where you can and try not to be discouraged. You never know which audiobook, hand me down novel, or obscure library find might be the key that unlocks the door to a love of reading.
Reading Slumps
Even children who have previously shown great interest in reading will at times enter into reading slumps. Even as an adult, I find myself having “readers block” a few times a year. Maybe it’s a book that I’m just drudging through without any connection or spark? Maybe I’ve stalled out on a particular genre and need a change of pace? Or perhaps, I’m just not feeling “it”.
Children are no different. They will inevitably experience times as young readers when they are less interested in a book in particular, or reading in general. These slumps often come at a time developmentally when a reader is ready to move on to more challenging books. They may find themselves bored with the common themes popping up the books available to them. Or, they’ve exhausted their tolerance for animal, fantasy, middle-grade novels. Or, nonfiction biographies. Or YA dystopian, etc.
My cures for reading slumps (which are different than general reading reluctance) are:
1. Reread an old favorite
2. Try something completely different
The former relies on the notion that rereading something beloved/nostalgic will activate the reward center of the brain. The latter is an age-old cure for any “rut”. Variety is the spice of life.
“Busy Seasons”
The previous two reading obstacles related primarily to independent readers. The impact that busy seasons of life can have on the family reading culture often relate more to parent-driven reading routines than independent readers. This isn’t to say that children don’t face overburden schedules and stressors (more on this later).
I’m talking here about the reality that even the best of intentioned and well-established family reading routines can fly out the window when life gets in the way. Maybe mom just had a new baby, maybe dad is working nights. Maybe someone requires long term care or someone is going to grad school.
All of these hypotheticals are very real. Notice I didn’t mention that one week a year when the band concert, dance recital and parent conferences coincide with a birthday. That’s a given. There will always be a stray week here and there. But, if travel soccer bleeds into travel baseball, bleeds into basketball camp, the problem isn’t the reading routine. The problem is your schedule.
If your family reading culture is taking a backseat to extracurriculars that you’ve signed up for, you need to take a long hard look at your priorities. We don’t read for hours a day. We have the same crazy schedule as most families. However, we have our standards and when we notice they are slipping, we try to reevaluate the schedule.
The Reading Log
Finally, I want to touch on a sensitive subject. As a former teacher, I have nothing but respect for the work our educators do. The job of a teacher is far more complex and demanding than most people understand. However, even well-intentioned teachers can be unknowingly sabotaging the family reading culture. In fact, the actions of some teachers actually work to decrease their student's interest in reading and can cause long term harm to the reading ability and reading satisfaction. Let me explain:
Every teacher in America (regardless of subject area or grade level) is hyper-aware of the literacy crisis facing students in this country. Teachers at struggling schools spend hours in professional development seminars learning about achievement gaps and vocabulary defects. When I taught at one of these schools, it wasn’t unusual to have an 8th grader reading at a 3rd-grade level. A few years ago I had a 5th grader who barely read at a 2nd-grade level. The challenge is real.
Teachers at “high performing” schools worry about how to maintain their students’ reading level and how to leverage high Lexile’s into high test scores. And, everyone is worried about the role technology plays in decreasing reading fluency and reading stamina.
All of this collective reading anxiety has lead well-meaning teachers to fixate on at home reading assignments and logs. Don’t get me wrong. I wholeheartedly agree that children should be reading or being read to every day. My problem lies with arbitrary time requirements that don’t always reflect the nature of how families read.
Imagine a scenario where a 5 or 6-year-old is required to read/ be read to for 30 minutes every night and document the book they read in their reading log. If we read Highlights magazine at the dentist office for 10 minutes, listen to an audiobook in the care for 15 minutes, reread Tom Kitten for the 3rd time this week for 5 minutes and only get to our nightly chapter book (which we are supposed to log) for 10 minutes, have we failed?
If you’ve gotten this far in this post (or this series for that matter), you’ve probably come to understand that reading is something I value. Yet, I don’t schedule in reading times in Google Calendar. Reading is woven into the fabric of our family life. Books pile up on end tables and nightstands. Some days the collective reading time for any given child is well over an hour. Some days it’s a hastily 10 minutes at the end of the night.
How do we document and quantify something as qualitative as family reading? I get it though. The teacher is desperate to improve outcomes and the nightly reading log seems like a quick fix. I’ve been there too.
But, if the notion that the reading log is only measuring one metric (time) is causing you or your child to associate evening reading with stress and drudgery, I recommend communicating this with your child’s teacher. Not, “we don’t have time.” Because you do.
Instead, explain that you are working on building a family reading culture and that your current focus is quality and consistency over quantity. Perhaps, even send them a link to this series ;)
To wrap up a somewhat long post (there’s just so much to say on the subject), I’d just remind parents struggling with building a family reading culture to allow themselves a little grace. Parenting in our current culture is challenging. There are enemies from without and within. Self-imposed obstacles and things completely out of our control. But, instilling a love of books in our children is worth the fight.
Happy Reading!
